


Penance

by deanandsam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Gen, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sam amd Dean, season seven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5550974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanandsam/pseuds/deanandsam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a rather sad story with a CHARACTER DEATH. It does end happily enough I suppose, but it's a bit rocky getting there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penance

Sam's POV.  
\--------------

We always knew it was going to happen one day.

Hell, Dean was always babbling on about how we'd never live to grow old, how the life would kill us before we got to pensionable age, but even though you live with the understanding that your world can turn upside down in the blink of an eye, you're never really gonna be prepared for it, I guess.

 

It was a frigging routine hunt, a couple of tacky vampires, the kind that Dean and I would've taken out with one hand tied behind our backs but when Dean moved from my side at lightning speed to stand in front of me, I knew he'd picked up on some threat that I hadn't.

He just couldn't help himself. He'd stepped between me and danger his entire life and despite all my bitching about being a big boy and being able to look after myself, the concept just wouldn't sink in to his big brother wiring, and that's how he took the bullet that was meant for me.

 

I must have gone berserk at the sight of his falling body, but in truth I had no memory of taking out the two vamps, though I must have, for later when I came to my senses they were sprawled headless on the dirty ground.

All I could remember was throwing myself to my knees and cradling Dean's head in my arms.

He was still hanging on by a thread. Anyone else would have been dead with such a wound to the chest, but he didn't want to leave me and his stubbornness was all that was keeping him here.

He looked up, meeting my devastated gaze, my tears bubbling forth unheeded. His eyes were tender, filled with love and affection, the love and affection he had only for me who was so undeserving of it, but which Dean had so unselfishly lavished on me all his life.

My freakin' brother was trying to comfort me, and with the ultimate thread of his life-force he smiled, and 'Sammy' was the last word that passed his lips.

The tears poured down my face as I watched his eyes lose all that made him DEAN, that made him my big brother.

 

I was thirty years old, a man to all intents and purposes, but the wails that came from my throat were those of a forlorn lonely little boy who'd just lost the only good thing that had made his life worth living.

I lay down next to Dean and cradled his body in my arms, my cries exhausting themselves and turning into a mournful keening.

 

The hours passed as we lay there, life and death cradled together, and yet I didn't move. I couldn't, but eventually I'd have to break away from him, I would have to burn his body.  
This time I knew there would be no coming back, no selling of souls. Dean had made that abundantly clear back when we were hunting a vamped-up Gordon Walker.

My brother had insisted that if either of us died, we hadn't to consign ourselves to any of those sons of bitches out there, be they demonic or angelic!  
The temptation was strong, almost overwhelming, to take myself off to the nearest crossroads and deal, but I knew I wouldn't, not this time. For once in my life, I would respect my big brother's wishes.

I had seen Dean die so many times, but I vowed this would be the last. This time he would be at peace.

 

As for me, worthless Sam Winchester, I toyed with the idea of putting a gun to my head and taking the easy way out but I wasn't going to, for everything was my fault. If I had never been born then Dean wouldn't have had to suffer through all of this.  
He would've had a normal life with loving parents, and not a crappy hellish one with a demon-blood brother and an obsessed sergeant-major of a father.

No, it was right and fair that I should suffer and without Dean by my side, I surely would. I hoped I lived a long life, so that my Hell on Earth would last as long as possible.  
I clutched tighter, one last time, before letting go of the mortal remains of my beloved big brother.

As I lifted Dean's body gently in my arms, I felt my humanity drain away. I was empty, void, the tears that were drying on my face would be the last I'd ever shed.  
I'd take out as many supernatural creatures as I could before I became too old or too careless to dodge a claw or a ghost.

That was the penance I had assigned myself, payback for the pain my very existence had caused my big brother, and I was determined to suffer through every fucking moment of it.

As for Dean's soul, I hoped it was in some corner of Heaven where he could enjoy everything he hadn't been able to on Earth.  
I placed him reverently on the back seat of the Impala and turned her towards Sioux Falls.

Neither Bobby nor the house were there anymore, but I knew Dean would have liked a send off in a place he'd considered a second home.

 

 

When death came and my blood stained the ground from the many wounds on my body, I thanked fate that it had finally happened.

I had lived the long life I'd asked for, and suffered like I'd wanted. I'd done my penance and as my last breath left my torn body I smiled, just as Dean had that day, so many years ago.

 

 

I opened my eyes warily. I knew there was an after-life but the doubt had always been there as to whether a lot of what we'd experienced beyond the veil was completely true, or if there had been hallucinations thrown in too.

I shivered; I knew Hell and the Cage were real but I wasn't as sure about Heaven. Angels were dicks and not to be trusted. At least you knew where you stood with demons, but I needn't have worried.

 

"Well, Sasquatch, you sure took your freakin' time getting here," a well-remembered voice teased.  
"I've been waiting forever for your skinny ass to arrive."

 

I turned and there he was, my brother, looking better than ever, young and cocky just like he used to, leaning against the Impala, smiling at me as only he can.

I had been true to my word and ne'er a tear had fallen from my eyes all the terrible years I'd been on my own, but now they came out like a rushing tide as I threw myself onto him and felt his arms go round me like they used to when I was a child.

"Same old Sammy," I heard him say. "You always were a ginormous girl" But I could hear the emotion in his voice and the tremors of his body as he held me. He'd missed me as much as I'd missed him.

Ash had been right. Some got to share a heaven and here no-one could tear us apart any more.

 

We were dead; who the hell cared!  
Eternity stretched before us, and I knew we'd 'ramble on' together.

"Come on Sammy. My baby's all new and shiny and she wants to show herself off. Get in and we'll go for a ride."  
I glanced down at my 'body' no longer old and stooped, then brought my hands to my face. There were no wrinkles or scars, it was baby-bottom smooth.

I was young again. I was with my brother. I was truly in Heaven.

 

The End.


End file.
